Sunday, May 5, 2013

Socialization & Me, Part II

My most successful method of making friends in the past has been simply being present with people until they got use to me. In a group, this usually means I sit with the group and don't say anything. When I do say things, everyone tends to look at me like they didn't even realize I was there. I use to think it was either because I was saying something odd or because they had forgotten I was there.

Diana and others have said that it is really because I tend to burst out with something wise. I don't know if that has always been the case, but I do see that pattern now.

I do not like socializing with new people one on one. It is my least favorite method. I really don't know what to say next, and find myself becoming more and more uncomfortable, feeling put on the spot. Many others I know who are introverts do not feel this way and feel safer during one-on-one interactions. I feel it is something that really sets me apart. I am sure there are others who prefer initial group interactions, but I have not met them.

Right now, I am going through a period of missing intimacy. I am also realizing that some of what feels like intimacy may just be a trick of my mind. True intimacy is difficult. It requires both sharing and accepting. It requires requesting things you need while not controlling or demanding. It requires being open to new ideas while staying true to oneself.

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